Today's Verse: "This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." John 15:12-13



I haven't updated in awhile b/c I've been so busy with my new job working from home! Yay! Plus, I'm still working my other p/t job outside of home until I make some more $$.
Anyway, I borrowed the above verse from Bible.com. (I don't normally just copy another site's verse of the day and use it as my own.) It was so appropiate for me, I had to use it. If there is one commandment I break on a regular basis, it is this one. I can love someone I have never met nor talked to more than I love some people who have been in my life for years. That's pretty sad. I have to find a way to look for, and love, the good parts of everyone. Everyone has some good in them, right?

Well, I haven't come up with a verse yet so I will add one when I do.
I'm just feeling a little unloved right now and it seems like certain people will never be satisfied with anything I do. I have been feeling so sick the last couple of days, but I still went ahead and did things b/c other people wanted me to do them and I didn't want to disappoint them. However, they treat me like I'm a hypochondriac or something. All I did was state that I need some rest. Especially since I am trying to work 2 jobs right now until I have steady income with my WAHJ. *sigh* I guess I am just having a bit of a pity party. I feel like I am constantly repeating myself, but people still don't understand that they are being cold and mean. How many people enjoy being made fun of and disrespected constantly by someone who claims to love them? Why should you even have to ask a person more than once not to do that? I know I'm not perfect and I don't always do the things you want me to do, but I still deserve to be treated with a little bit of dignity and respect.

Changing the Title (again)

Todays Verse -- Isaiah 35:8 -- And a highway will be there; it will be called the Way of Holiness. The unclean will not journey on it; it will be for those who walk in that Way; wicked fools will not go about on it. [ Or / the simple will not stray from it ]

I decided to change the title of this blog back to "My Christian Journey." Hopefully I will keep it this time. :-)

Today's verse -- Nehemiah 9:21: For forty years you sustained them in the wilderness, and they lacked nothing. Their clothes did not wear out, and their feet did not swell!

Hallelujah! We are finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. We've been talking about it and praying about it and now things are finally looking up. We are getting our other car fixed, we're getting checks in the mail, people are just giving us money just to be nice. Thank You, Lord! I do realize money isn't everything, but I also believe it is not right for us to be poor. I also know that the Bible says to "seek ye first the Kingdom..." so we are definitely working on the areas that need improvement when it comes to the will of God.
I was listening to the Bible on a CD the other day and it got to the part where Jesus talked about the Ten Commandments. I knew that there were some I had never broken such as "Thou shalt not kill, Thou shalt not covet thy neigbor's wife," and some others, but I started thinking about the ones I haven't been following. I believe I have never followed "Love thy neighbor..." I think ever since I was little, there has always been someone who I have felt hate toward. Thinking about that now, I really feel terrible. I know every person has some good in them, but why can't I see that when they make me angry? This is something I must work on. I want to love everyone. I believe when I get to that point, I will be on a higher spiritual level. I know I will get there someday, I just hope it's before I'm 85. :-)

I think through my frustration about this money situation, God was showing me that even though I have been following some of what the Bible says, I need to realize there is much, much more I should be doing. Matt. 7:11 says evil people take care of their children, how much more will the Lord take care of us, His children... I have been saying, "God, I am your child..." please take care of me and not understanding why things didn't happen right away. If one of my children needed something, I would give it to them if I had it and God has control of all the money in the world. Now, I realize, if one of my children needed money or something and I asked them to do something first, I would expect them to try their best to do what I told them. God has given me an instructional manual and I haven't been reading and following it the way I should. Once I got a clue and started trying harder to follow the instructions, I believe God is more open to releasing the things I have been asking for.

Thank You, Lord for the wake up call. That's just what I needed.

Today's Verse: Phillipians 4:19(Amp.) -- And my God will liberally supply ([a]fill to the full) your every need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

I have to keep reminding myself of this during these hard times. I know they will get better. I know my family will always have food and shelter. I also know that I need to continue to work on my organizational and time management skills and that I need to manage my money better. I can't keep saying that I wouldn't be in this situation if it weren't for my husband. It's not completely his fault just like it's not completely my fault. I believe the enemy is messing with us, but he is not going to win. I must keep the Faith. I must keep the Faith. The Bible says that we are God's children. I know how my parents took care of me as a child so I believe the Lord will take care of me even more so.
I and my family will not be in lack. We will not live in poverty. We will live better than we did before we got Saved. In the name of Jesus. Amen.

Today's Verse: James 5:16(HCSB) -- Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The intense prayer of the righteous is very powerful.

Due to the blizzard, our church was closed so we had a little family service in the house. It was pretty nice, we sang some songs and read some verses, then watched TD Jakes online. Schools are closed tomorrow so my step-daughter is staying another night. I'm sure I'll stay sane if the kids don't whine too much. :-)
In other news, I was almost at the breaking point on Friday. I was going to try to get some heating assistance. I really hate doing these types of things. I feel like I'm begging. I know the government sets aside the money and we do fall into that income bracket since I only work part time, but it still feels funny. What truly is funny is if both DH and I were working full time and paying for fulltime daycare for the babies and latchkey for ODS, we would have even less b/c of the daycare costs, but we wouldn't be eligible for any assistance. Anyway, the application I filled out beforehand, and the website, both said you could use your W-2's to show your income. After driving all the way there in the snow and waiting even though the only other person in front of me had left, they finally got my information and informed me that they had to actually have each and every paystub for the last 3 months and the W-2's were basically worthless. I got in the car to leave and I just had to sit and cry for a little while. I talked to God and asked how bad things had to get before we could have a breakthrough. When we were doing all kinds of things wrong, we still were okay, financially. We went on dates and out to dinners with the kids, ordered pizza's, bought new shoes when someone needed them, were able to pay the bills. We were doing just fine, but emotionally, and spiritually, we were poor. I don't believe God meant for us to just trade in one form of poverty for another. I know this is just temporary, but it's been going on for awhile and I just couldn't take it anymore. I just kept praying and crying the whole way home. I finally decided that there would be some good financial news at home. I said, "In the name of Jesus, there IS some good news at home."
Finally, when I got home, DH knew exactly what was wrong with me and he encouraged me. He told me things would be fine even though his first check from his new job (which already wasn't going to be a full check) hadn't yet been deposited in his account. About an hour later, the mail came and with it came his check and something else that meant we'll be getting some more money in a couple of weeks! I was so happy! I knew my prayers had worked. I believe we are coming out of this...whatever it is. I know things are going to be better from now on and I'm not going to stop praying!

I really wish I could escape this world for a few hours right about now. I am extremely stressed. My husband is changing jobs and things are not going exactly the way I thought they would be. I don't know what I'm going to do about my job. I will soon start working from home, but I am still trying to get the money for the initial investment of the phone equipment, etc. I had to change my work schedule this week so I will work a couple of day shifts instead of nights, but when my supervisor emailed me my new schedule, she has me down to work 6.5 hours which 1) will overlap with DH's time to pick up his client and, 2) I usually only work 4 hour shifts and I'm breastfeeding DS2 so that will make things a little more difficult b/c I will have to make sure he has enough milk for all that time.
Speaking of breastfeeding, DS2 normally only takes a total of 4 oz. when I am at work so I usually just pump when I get off and leave that for him for the next day. I used to have a backup bottle, but we used it and I keep forgetting to replenish it. Today, rushing around, I go to get his bottle ready since DH is taking him to MIL's house while he works. When DH pulls the bottle (which is still connected to the pump and had almost 5 ounces in it) out of the fridge, there is only about 2 ounces in there! Thank God, we still have some of the sample formula they give you in the hospital so I pulled that can out of the cupboard. Now I'm at work and I'm worrying about whether or not I put the formula in the diaper bag! I want to call DH, but I'm afraid he'll be mad at me if I did forget it. I am just going to keep praying and hope that no news is good news.
I really have to get rid of this anxiety. I am working on it.
*Update* I did not forget the formula, Thank God! However, the baby doesn't want to drink it. :-/ Oh well. I'll be home soon so he'll be fine. I also ate so I feel a lot better. I need to stop stressing over everything! Geesh!

Christians are still human, unfortunately.

I think many people expect Christians to do no wrong. I'm not sure exactly why this is. I think one factor is that it seems so many Christians are quick to judge others. I know when someone judges me, I am extremely shocked if they end up doing something wrong. Even if it's unrelated. You're being a hypocrite. Just like in Matthew 7:3(NIV) where Jesus tells us not to look at a speck of sawdust in someone else's eye while ignoring the plank in our own eye.
I have to remind my husband of this all the time. He is getting better about it, but he seems to think he is on a higher level than me. We all, as individuals, have areas where we excel and we all have areas where we are inferior. We need to remember this. Especially before we point out someone else's failings.
Prime example in my life: I am a HORRIBLE housekeeper. I am unorganized, I see clutter and get overwhelmed and frustrated so I just walk away from it instead of cleaning it up. Because of this, many people perceive me as being lazy. Maybe I am, I'm not sure, but there could be other things I do wrong. Some people come in my house and can't get over how lazy I am because my house looks so much worse than theirs. Their houses may be clean, but they are hiding dead bodies in the basement. Or, they may be the most selfish, self-centered person in the world. Now, I'm not saying those things are any worse than my disorganization/laziness, what I'm saying is, don't look at my faults and think you are so much better than me. Before you start to think that, take a moment to reflect on your own faults and figure out how you can improve yourself.
Okay, it seems I'm experiencing a bit of writer's block. It may be because I have limited myself by the title, "My Christian Journey." I think I am going to change this so I don't feel forced to write about things pertaining to Christianity or religion.

How did I get where I am today?

I grew up in an A.M.E. (African Methodist Episcopal) church where my grandfather was the pastor. I remember the services being very reserved and quiet. There were no fast, clapping songs and the rare "Amen" during a sermon. In 1989 we got a new, younger pastor and things gradually started changing. Now, almost 20 years later, people sometimes even shout during the sermons! LOL The choir almost always sings a fast song or two. I'm not saying it was bad the other way. I LOVED my grandfather's sermons and the atmosphere was pretty relaxing. However, change is inevitable and not always a bad thing.
During my teenage years, my mom went through stages of telling me I could decide if I wanted to go to church to her forcing me to go whenever she was going. When I got to college, things completely changed. I met a girl who had grown up in a Pentecostal church. They were so strict that she had never worn pants in public! At her urging, I eventually went to a campus bible study and became hooked. I loved all the new things I was learning and even decided to get baptized. That's when things started changing.
We were taught about being baptized and receiving the Holy Ghost as referenced in the book of Acts (1:5, 2:4). I understood all of that. I had been "sprinkle" baptized as a child, but never submerged. I decided it was time for me to get the full baptism and I expected to receive the Holy Ghost afterward and start speaking in tongues. Unfortunately, this didn't happen. The people from bible study and the church prayed with me and I kept trying, but I was unable to speak in tongues after a couple of hours. I decided it would come later and left it at that. Unfortunately, it seemed like no one else did. The next thing I knew, I would go somewhere on campus and people I didn't even recognize would come up to me and ask, "Did you get the Holy Ghost yet?" At first it was just a little weird, but then it just started getting ridiculous. It was happening everyday! One guy even looked up my phone number in the campus directory and started calling me about it on a regular basis! I felt harrassed. It got to the point where I finally decided to just stop going to bible study and stay away from the people who were associated with the group. I completely backslid. I didn't want to go near a church for awhile, or hear any type of Christian talk. I did read my Bible occasionally, but I didn't practice much of what was in it. I was completely turned off from religion, but I never stopped believing in God and Jesus.
Fast forward a couple of years later. At this point, I was a single mother. I did want my child being raised in the church so either I or my mother would take him to her church most Sundays. My best friend told me about a revival at a large church in our city. I was at a point where I was unsatisfied with the way I was living my life. I realized I needed to drastically improve my relationship with God so the timing was perfect. I went to the revival that summer night (I believe it was either a Wednesday or a Friday) and forever changed my life. At that point, I decided I was going to start making positive changes and be a Christian.
This did not mean I was going to be a "saint" overnight. I still had many issues, but I decided that I was going to continue on the path from then on.

To be continued...

My first post documenting my experiences during my "Christian Journey."
I decided to start this blog because I have many questions when it comes to my beliefs. I find that documenting what I'm going through helps me to answer my own questions. Plus, anyone who reads this can help me to discover the answers as well.