Judges 7:2 – The Lord said to Gideon, “The people who are with you are too many for Me to give the Midianites into their hands, lest Israel boast themselves against Me, saying, My own hand has delivered me.”
My Christian Journey has hit some bumpy roads these last few days. I believe the primary defining characteristic of being a Christian is to love God and if you love God, you must love His children. It’s so easy to love someone who is good to you, someone who shows you love. For me, it’s even easy to love a stranger, especially one who has a need, or a sad story. The most searingly difficult part is loving the way Jesus loved. Jesus prayed for His enemies. Jesus asked God to forgive the ones hammering nails into his hands, the ones pushing thorns into his head. I and my family are coming up against a person who is totally unreasonable and selfish. This person does not care anything about my children, they don’t even care about their own child’s feelings/relationships/wishes. This person cares only about their own feelings and about enacting revenge on someone who they feel hurt them more than a decade ago.
I am a Christian, I know I am supposed to love everyone, but 2 days ago, if I would have seen the aforementioned person there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that I would have …. (edited out due to legal reasons) I will say that it would not have been good for that particular person. At that moment, I had so much hatred, I was asking God to curse them and another person involved in this issue. Eventually I calmed down and asked for forgiveness. All I could think about was Jesus. I thought about how his pain, hurt, betrayal had to have been 1000 times greater than mine yet, he still forgave them, he still loved them.
Have you been brokenhearted before? I mean truly brokenhearted where you couldn’t imagine the next day, you couldn’t fathom your body being able to rise back up if you went to sleep that night, a pain so deep you thought your body would shut down on its own. I’ve felt that way a couple times, mostly as a teenager, and I never would have thought this particular situation would bring me back there – yet here I am.
So, as I attempted to cope with the knife twisting through my heart over and over, I thought about how much more Jesus didn’t deserve to suffer the way he did and how much harder it was for him. I just kept asking Him to help me. I finally reached the point where I was able to pray for the salvation of the hateful person I’ve been dealing with. I wrote out my pain and finally felt some peace. I came to the realization that God still has me – he still is holding me in His hand and still cares for me and loves me more than I could imagine. He is not letting me and my family go through this for nothing.
This brings me back to my chosen verse, Judges 7:2. We actually recently studied this chapter in Sunday school so it obviously came at the right time. In Judges 6 & 7, God is giving the Israelites a huge victory over their enemies, but He is doing it in such a way that will show everyone that the victory was only possible because of God. I believe we have suffered a setback now, but that in the end, everyone who knows of our situation will be able to look at it and realize that we won in the end ONLY because God was on our side. Either He will cause this other person to completely change, or they will receive a crushing defeat.
I am on my way to loving them. I am praying for them. I haven’t completely arrived yet, but I am on the way and I do believe I will get there. It’s funny because my husband is staying positive and he is not showing much pain even though I know he is probably more deeply hurt than I am, but he told me that if he didn’t get anything else out of this setback, he realized how much I am truly on his side. Of course he knew that I loved him, but going through this has brought us closer and shown him another level of my love for him and that’s something you can’t put a price on. I almost want to thank that person who put us through all of this for that reason alone. :-) I’m sure they were hoping that this situation would put us through financial stress, causing us to argue and be resentful, but it’s done the opposite. We have grown closer and look out for each other even more. Thank You, Lord, for using my enemies to strengthen my marriage! LOL (The sound of that LOL was the sound of me getting the last laugh! LOL again!)
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Isaiah 55:12 "You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands." (NIV)
There is a large creek right near my office building and when the weather is nice, I love walking along the trail and admiring nature. Trees have always amazed me and today I looked up and saw the scene below and felt compelled to share it:
How, then could anyone possibly doubt the existence of God? These beautiful trees were not some accident of science or evolution, they were created by the hand of God. I’m so excited that soon I’ll be able to share these things with my son on a nice sunny day. I won’t be stuck in a cold office wishing my kids could take a nice walk by a creek, I will be taking them for walks by creeks! I give all honor and glory to God for making this dream become a reality. (There are some other thoughts that I wanted to share, but I can't think of them right now so I'll have to share when they come back to me.)
There is a large creek right near my office building and when the weather is nice, I love walking along the trail and admiring nature. Trees have always amazed me and today I looked up and saw the scene below and felt compelled to share it:
How, then could anyone possibly doubt the existence of God? These beautiful trees were not some accident of science or evolution, they were created by the hand of God. I’m so excited that soon I’ll be able to share these things with my son on a nice sunny day. I won’t be stuck in a cold office wishing my kids could take a nice walk by a creek, I will be taking them for walks by creeks! I give all honor and glory to God for making this dream become a reality. (There are some other thoughts that I wanted to share, but I can't think of them right now so I'll have to share when they come back to me.)
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Malachi 3:10 - Bring all the tithes into the storehouse so there will be enough food in my Temple. If you do," says the LORD of Heaven's Armies, "I will open the windows of heaven for you. I will pour out a blessing so great you won't have enough room to take it in! Try it! Put me to the test!
As I was driving home yesterday evening, I looked up and thought it might rain later because the sky was slightly gloomy. Then, I looked the other way and noticed a bright spot. As I was staring at the colors, it occurred to me that the bright spot was almost like an opening in the clouds. I turned to my husband and said, “Look at how beautiful that is. It’s like God is opening the window to Heaven!” We were driving at the time so I didn’t think I would be able to get a good picture with my phone, but I decided to try it anyway. When I finally got ready to take the picture, I realized that the vapor trails of two airplanes had actually formed a cross right in the middle of the window! Amazing! Now I’m sharing it with you so you may be blessed.
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| God showing me a window to Heaven |
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
I'm on a roll today!
I just had to come back b/c my spirit is so excited!!
You must be true to your own heart or you will never truly be happy.
We’re too afraid of making mistakes & often don’t follow our hearts unless other people say it’s the right thing to do.
You should not have to go around giving unreasonable amount of explanation for why you feel led to do what you do.
I want to cry right now! Tears of joy! God has truly spoken to me through this sermon from Joyce Meyer.
God told me last October that if I stay, He will bless me. This was a time when I was contemplating going to my old manager to beg her to ask my current manager to let me go back to my old department before my year was up. (The only way you can transfer in my company is either to work for a year in your current position, or your manager has to make a special exception.) I knew it would be running away, but I hated my new job so much (I had started in August) and I felt like I couldn’t survive for a whole year. I went on an interview at another company and constantly sent my resume out, but as I was praying one day, I clearly heard God tell me, “If you stay, I will bless you.” At that point I said, “Okay, Lord, I’ll stay.” I stopped actively seeking new employment. Now I am 2.5 months away from my 1 year anniversary! After my year is up and right around the time school starts, I will be resigning from this position and working from home full time! I will have multiple streams of income and will be even better off than I am now! I am being rewarded for my “suffering”! Now, I realize that I wasn’t on a cross or being beaten, which is why I used quotation marks, but I have truly overcome a big obstacle. All of my adult life, as soon as something got hard, (except marriage or childbirth LOL) I told myself and everyone else that I couldn’t take it and I ran away as fast as I could. The last couple of years, I’ve gotten better and better at staying through the hard times. I believe this is the final hurdle to living out my dreams.
I have dreamed of working from home since my first son was born in 1999. I knew it made sense b/c of the internet, but the timing never seemed quite right, or when the timing was okay, I couldn’t find legitimate work or I couldn’t get insurance, or the pay wasn’t right. All of these things are now in place and it’s now up to me to put the work in & get the wheels moving. I have started by setting small goals for myself. Each time I reach one of my goals, I can go to the next step in this process. This has really helped me b/c another thing I’ve been challenged with in the past was not following through on so many things. I believe God has instilled in me enough discipline that I can live a fulfilled life!
You must be true to your own heart or you will never truly be happy.
We’re too afraid of making mistakes & often don’t follow our hearts unless other people say it’s the right thing to do.
You should not have to go around giving unreasonable amount of explanation for why you feel led to do what you do.
I want to cry right now! Tears of joy! God has truly spoken to me through this sermon from Joyce Meyer.
God told me last October that if I stay, He will bless me. This was a time when I was contemplating going to my old manager to beg her to ask my current manager to let me go back to my old department before my year was up. (The only way you can transfer in my company is either to work for a year in your current position, or your manager has to make a special exception.) I knew it would be running away, but I hated my new job so much (I had started in August) and I felt like I couldn’t survive for a whole year. I went on an interview at another company and constantly sent my resume out, but as I was praying one day, I clearly heard God tell me, “If you stay, I will bless you.” At that point I said, “Okay, Lord, I’ll stay.” I stopped actively seeking new employment. Now I am 2.5 months away from my 1 year anniversary! After my year is up and right around the time school starts, I will be resigning from this position and working from home full time! I will have multiple streams of income and will be even better off than I am now! I am being rewarded for my “suffering”! Now, I realize that I wasn’t on a cross or being beaten, which is why I used quotation marks, but I have truly overcome a big obstacle. All of my adult life, as soon as something got hard, (except marriage or childbirth LOL) I told myself and everyone else that I couldn’t take it and I ran away as fast as I could. The last couple of years, I’ve gotten better and better at staying through the hard times. I believe this is the final hurdle to living out my dreams.
I have dreamed of working from home since my first son was born in 1999. I knew it made sense b/c of the internet, but the timing never seemed quite right, or when the timing was okay, I couldn’t find legitimate work or I couldn’t get insurance, or the pay wasn’t right. All of these things are now in place and it’s now up to me to put the work in & get the wheels moving. I have started by setting small goals for myself. Each time I reach one of my goals, I can go to the next step in this process. This has really helped me b/c another thing I’ve been challenged with in the past was not following through on so many things. I believe God has instilled in me enough discipline that I can live a fulfilled life!
Sources
Twice a month, every month for the last year, I am stricken by something. I feel like I’ve caught some sort of recurring virus. My breaths get shorter, I sometimes feel like I must put my head down, I start sweating, sometimes my hands shake, and my stomach feels upset. EVERY. SINGLE. MONTH. TWICE. A. MONTH. It’s enough to drive many people to the brink of insanity; in fact, I’ve almost been driven there more than once. I almost looked up my symptoms in WebMD, but then realized I didn’t need to. What is it, you ask? Have I figured it out? Have I gotten treatment? The affliction I am speaking of is actually quite common – or at least what leads to it is. Okay, okay, I’ll tell you.
Twice a month, every month, I receive my paycheck. If I am paid on a week day, I pay my bills that very same day, or the next. No big deal, right? It shouldn’t be, however, after I pay the bills and get gas (of course I pay my tithes, but I will never skip that because the 1st 10th belongs to God – I still get to keep the remaining 90%), I have so little (if any) money left that I wonder, “How will I survive until my next check?” That is the phrase that starts all of the above symptoms. Now, do you see how it could drive a person insane? I’ve had to get a loan to pay $13.00 on one bill that I was short, otherwise the service would have been turned off. Thirteen dollars! Pitiful!
This is the day after Memorial Day & also happens to be a pay day b/c it is the last day of the month. However, because of the holiday weekend, our pay was direct deposited 12:00 a.m. Saturday. This meant that I was not sitting in front of a computer so I did not go to all of my biller websites until I got back to work today. Not a very good decision. First, I thought, since I had worked overtime & one of my bills was lower than I expected, I had a decent amount left over, maybe close to $100! It was at that point that I realized I had forgotten a bill and, once again, I will be left with nothing, or worse yet, owing money for something. Immediately my symptoms started: upset stomach, extreme tiredness, but this time something clicked.
This time, something said, “Enough! Why are you doing this to yourself again? Your bank account may say that you have no money, but who is your Father? Remember Him? He owns the cattle on a thousand hills. He is able to do exceeding, abundantly more than you could ever ask or think! You know your Father, right?”
It was at that point that I decided I would snap out of this, once and for all! I refuse to be stressed out every time I get paid, thinking about how my money leaves my account faster than it goes in. No more of that! This silly little job is not my source. God is my source. As long as I am dependent on this job to provide for me, I will never have enough. So here is my prayer:
Father God, I praise You and magnify You. I am so thankful for ALL You have done for me. I am thankful that you have blessed me to see yet another day and that I am able to speak and write and praise You for being You. Lord, I know it is Your will that I prosper and be in health even as my soul prospers. I know that You are my source and that I should have life more abundantly on earth as well as in heaven. So, Lord, I am asking You, in the name of Your son, Jesus the Christ, show me how I can use my mind and my hands to do work that is pleasing to You and that will increase my blessings so that I may bless others. Lord, please give me the strength to resist temptation and resist negative thinking and continue to hold me in Your hands as I walk the ways You would have me go. I thank You for Your love, Your power, and Your authority. I love You, Father God. In the name of Jesus, Amen.
Twice a month, every month, I receive my paycheck. If I am paid on a week day, I pay my bills that very same day, or the next. No big deal, right? It shouldn’t be, however, after I pay the bills and get gas (of course I pay my tithes, but I will never skip that because the 1st 10th belongs to God – I still get to keep the remaining 90%), I have so little (if any) money left that I wonder, “How will I survive until my next check?” That is the phrase that starts all of the above symptoms. Now, do you see how it could drive a person insane? I’ve had to get a loan to pay $13.00 on one bill that I was short, otherwise the service would have been turned off. Thirteen dollars! Pitiful!
This is the day after Memorial Day & also happens to be a pay day b/c it is the last day of the month. However, because of the holiday weekend, our pay was direct deposited 12:00 a.m. Saturday. This meant that I was not sitting in front of a computer so I did not go to all of my biller websites until I got back to work today. Not a very good decision. First, I thought, since I had worked overtime & one of my bills was lower than I expected, I had a decent amount left over, maybe close to $100! It was at that point that I realized I had forgotten a bill and, once again, I will be left with nothing, or worse yet, owing money for something. Immediately my symptoms started: upset stomach, extreme tiredness, but this time something clicked.
This time, something said, “Enough! Why are you doing this to yourself again? Your bank account may say that you have no money, but who is your Father? Remember Him? He owns the cattle on a thousand hills. He is able to do exceeding, abundantly more than you could ever ask or think! You know your Father, right?”
It was at that point that I decided I would snap out of this, once and for all! I refuse to be stressed out every time I get paid, thinking about how my money leaves my account faster than it goes in. No more of that! This silly little job is not my source. God is my source. As long as I am dependent on this job to provide for me, I will never have enough. So here is my prayer:
Father God, I praise You and magnify You. I am so thankful for ALL You have done for me. I am thankful that you have blessed me to see yet another day and that I am able to speak and write and praise You for being You. Lord, I know it is Your will that I prosper and be in health even as my soul prospers. I know that You are my source and that I should have life more abundantly on earth as well as in heaven. So, Lord, I am asking You, in the name of Your son, Jesus the Christ, show me how I can use my mind and my hands to do work that is pleasing to You and that will increase my blessings so that I may bless others. Lord, please give me the strength to resist temptation and resist negative thinking and continue to hold me in Your hands as I walk the ways You would have me go. I thank You for Your love, Your power, and Your authority. I love You, Father God. In the name of Jesus, Amen.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Leaving
At this time, I am in the process of figuring out how to leave my job in order to work from home. I’ve had this idea for years, since my 11 ½ year old was a baby and I wanted to be able to spend more time with him. The problem is, I needed health insurance, plus, it’s been so hard to find legitimate work that actually pays decent. Now, in 2011, all of that has changed. I’ve been diligently researching and thanks to sites like Rat Race Rebellion and Workplacelikehome.com, I am confident that I will finally be able to lift off and soar towards my dreams! It is incredibly exciting to be on the brink of a life change. I’ve been praying a lot and I believe God has been giving me small signs everyday that show I am on the right path.
My ultimate goal is to be a blessing to the world – mostly through my writing, but also in whatever way God chooses to use me. I believe once I am in more control of my time & able to spend more of it with my family, I will be more able to truly start reaching people. Part of my income will be from writing which will help me as well as my audience. I’m so excited!
The job I’m at right now has been a blessing in that it has enabled me to pay my bills and I was able to obtain health insurance so that my children could get their vaccinations up to date. I suppose there have been some other benefits, but I am hard pressed to come up with them now. :-/ That’s odd. I really thought there were more good reasons that I was keeping this job, but other than the health insurance, I am no – oops I take that back, I have been able to save some money in a 401(k) and learn a little bit more about investing. So, other than those things, I am no better off than when I was receiving unemployment checks.
Now, I am not saying that I want to go back to receiving unemployment. I definitely do NOT want to take advantage of that system because I know there are millions of people out there who need those checks and I would hate for my abuse of the system to cause someone else to not get what they need. Needless to say, I will not take government assistance unless I truly need it.
Back to the excitement! I believe God has been giving me signs everywhere I look showing me that I will be fine if I just take a leap of faith, and work hard, and do this for my family and for me! Hallelujah! I can’t wait to get started!
My ultimate goal is to be a blessing to the world – mostly through my writing, but also in whatever way God chooses to use me. I believe once I am in more control of my time & able to spend more of it with my family, I will be more able to truly start reaching people. Part of my income will be from writing which will help me as well as my audience. I’m so excited!
The job I’m at right now has been a blessing in that it has enabled me to pay my bills and I was able to obtain health insurance so that my children could get their vaccinations up to date. I suppose there have been some other benefits, but I am hard pressed to come up with them now. :-/ That’s odd. I really thought there were more good reasons that I was keeping this job, but other than the health insurance, I am no – oops I take that back, I have been able to save some money in a 401(k) and learn a little bit more about investing. So, other than those things, I am no better off than when I was receiving unemployment checks.
Now, I am not saying that I want to go back to receiving unemployment. I definitely do NOT want to take advantage of that system because I know there are millions of people out there who need those checks and I would hate for my abuse of the system to cause someone else to not get what they need. Needless to say, I will not take government assistance unless I truly need it.
Back to the excitement! I believe God has been giving me signs everywhere I look showing me that I will be fine if I just take a leap of faith, and work hard, and do this for my family and for me! Hallelujah! I can’t wait to get started!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
I'm back & will do better updating! :-)
Today is a blessed day. I followed Joyce’s advice from listening to "Getting Your Day Started Right" yesterday (parts 1 &2) & I woke up praying then I read my Bible for a little bit. I still got to work late. L However, I didn’t get overly angry at my kids, I didn’t cuss at anyone, and I didn’t give up on my whole day simply because I had a bad morning! J Even when traffic was backed up making me 15 minutes later than I already was, I was still thankful. I did call another driver a jerk b/c she almost ran into me even though she saw I was getting over, but I repented for that and I will continually renew my mind in that aspect. Praise God!
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