I really wish I could escape this world for a few hours right about now. I am extremely stressed. My husband is changing jobs and things are not going exactly the way I thought they would be. I don't know what I'm going to do about my job. I will soon start working from home, but I am still trying to get the money for the initial investment of the phone equipment, etc. I had to change my work schedule this week so I will work a couple of day shifts instead of nights, but when my supervisor emailed me my new schedule, she has me down to work 6.5 hours which 1) will overlap with DH's time to pick up his client and, 2) I usually only work 4 hour shifts and I'm breastfeeding DS2 so that will make things a little more difficult b/c I will have to make sure he has enough milk for all that time.
Speaking of breastfeeding, DS2 normally only takes a total of 4 oz. when I am at work so I usually just pump when I get off and leave that for him for the next day. I used to have a backup bottle, but we used it and I keep forgetting to replenish it. Today, rushing around, I go to get his bottle ready since DH is taking him to MIL's house while he works. When DH pulls the bottle (which is still connected to the pump and had almost 5 ounces in it) out of the fridge, there is only about 2 ounces in there! Thank God, we still have some of the sample formula they give you in the hospital so I pulled that can out of the cupboard. Now I'm at work and I'm worrying about whether or not I put the formula in the diaper bag! I want to call DH, but I'm afraid he'll be mad at me if I did forget it. I am just going to keep praying and hope that no news is good news.
I really have to get rid of this anxiety. I am working on it.
*Update* I did not forget the formula, Thank God! However, the baby doesn't want to drink it. :-/ Oh well. I'll be home soon so he'll be fine. I also ate so I feel a lot better. I need to stop stressing over everything! Geesh!

Christians are still human, unfortunately.

I think many people expect Christians to do no wrong. I'm not sure exactly why this is. I think one factor is that it seems so many Christians are quick to judge others. I know when someone judges me, I am extremely shocked if they end up doing something wrong. Even if it's unrelated. You're being a hypocrite. Just like in Matthew 7:3(NIV) where Jesus tells us not to look at a speck of sawdust in someone else's eye while ignoring the plank in our own eye.
I have to remind my husband of this all the time. He is getting better about it, but he seems to think he is on a higher level than me. We all, as individuals, have areas where we excel and we all have areas where we are inferior. We need to remember this. Especially before we point out someone else's failings.
Prime example in my life: I am a HORRIBLE housekeeper. I am unorganized, I see clutter and get overwhelmed and frustrated so I just walk away from it instead of cleaning it up. Because of this, many people perceive me as being lazy. Maybe I am, I'm not sure, but there could be other things I do wrong. Some people come in my house and can't get over how lazy I am because my house looks so much worse than theirs. Their houses may be clean, but they are hiding dead bodies in the basement. Or, they may be the most selfish, self-centered person in the world. Now, I'm not saying those things are any worse than my disorganization/laziness, what I'm saying is, don't look at my faults and think you are so much better than me. Before you start to think that, take a moment to reflect on your own faults and figure out how you can improve yourself.
Okay, it seems I'm experiencing a bit of writer's block. It may be because I have limited myself by the title, "My Christian Journey." I think I am going to change this so I don't feel forced to write about things pertaining to Christianity or religion.

How did I get where I am today?

I grew up in an A.M.E. (African Methodist Episcopal) church where my grandfather was the pastor. I remember the services being very reserved and quiet. There were no fast, clapping songs and the rare "Amen" during a sermon. In 1989 we got a new, younger pastor and things gradually started changing. Now, almost 20 years later, people sometimes even shout during the sermons! LOL The choir almost always sings a fast song or two. I'm not saying it was bad the other way. I LOVED my grandfather's sermons and the atmosphere was pretty relaxing. However, change is inevitable and not always a bad thing.
During my teenage years, my mom went through stages of telling me I could decide if I wanted to go to church to her forcing me to go whenever she was going. When I got to college, things completely changed. I met a girl who had grown up in a Pentecostal church. They were so strict that she had never worn pants in public! At her urging, I eventually went to a campus bible study and became hooked. I loved all the new things I was learning and even decided to get baptized. That's when things started changing.
We were taught about being baptized and receiving the Holy Ghost as referenced in the book of Acts (1:5, 2:4). I understood all of that. I had been "sprinkle" baptized as a child, but never submerged. I decided it was time for me to get the full baptism and I expected to receive the Holy Ghost afterward and start speaking in tongues. Unfortunately, this didn't happen. The people from bible study and the church prayed with me and I kept trying, but I was unable to speak in tongues after a couple of hours. I decided it would come later and left it at that. Unfortunately, it seemed like no one else did. The next thing I knew, I would go somewhere on campus and people I didn't even recognize would come up to me and ask, "Did you get the Holy Ghost yet?" At first it was just a little weird, but then it just started getting ridiculous. It was happening everyday! One guy even looked up my phone number in the campus directory and started calling me about it on a regular basis! I felt harrassed. It got to the point where I finally decided to just stop going to bible study and stay away from the people who were associated with the group. I completely backslid. I didn't want to go near a church for awhile, or hear any type of Christian talk. I did read my Bible occasionally, but I didn't practice much of what was in it. I was completely turned off from religion, but I never stopped believing in God and Jesus.
Fast forward a couple of years later. At this point, I was a single mother. I did want my child being raised in the church so either I or my mother would take him to her church most Sundays. My best friend told me about a revival at a large church in our city. I was at a point where I was unsatisfied with the way I was living my life. I realized I needed to drastically improve my relationship with God so the timing was perfect. I went to the revival that summer night (I believe it was either a Wednesday or a Friday) and forever changed my life. At that point, I decided I was going to start making positive changes and be a Christian.
This did not mean I was going to be a "saint" overnight. I still had many issues, but I decided that I was going to continue on the path from then on.

To be continued...

My first post documenting my experiences during my "Christian Journey."
I decided to start this blog because I have many questions when it comes to my beliefs. I find that documenting what I'm going through helps me to answer my own questions. Plus, anyone who reads this can help me to discover the answers as well.